


and her head fell off

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I just finished ddlc and I am DESTROYED, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: "You wouldn't likemy poemsme very much."(snap snap snap.)





	and her head fell off

"You wouldn't like them very much,"  
The words spill like a cut open stomach,  
Acid eroding their way through.

It slips out, unprompted,  
and she looks away.

There are ink stains and puddles on her sheets,  
Scraped pages and poems with tears and blood staining the page,  
Her fathers angry shouts echoing,  
Echoing,  
Echoing,  
Onto her page.  
Seeping out from the dark reaches of her mind, bubbling and brewing, overflowing through her mouth, her pen.

Her dads influence.

She hates him.  
She hates the smell of liquor in the morning,  
Hates the way his eyebrows crease,  
Hates the way he looks at her like she's garbage.

She h a t e s .

There's only one safe place to talk with friends,  
If she can even call them that,  
and even there her manga is forced into a closet,  
her poems criticized.

She just wants it to be happy.

She wants the world,  
With its dark edges and cruel taunts, ugly, ugly, ugly,  
To be cute.

Like in a book,  
Like in a manga.

She wished was a character, magical girl, slice of life, _anything_ —hell, she'd even take a dating sim character—wished she was cute and happy and funny, had friends and importance,

That everything worked out in the end.

She wished she was cute.

She's not cute, not really, no matter what she does or how she acts she will never be.

(Even if sayoris arms wrap around her and she says otherwise, optimism and happiness that knows no bounds,

She doesn't understand, she tells herself,  
She doesn't know what it's like to feel like this.)

~~(she doesn't know how wrong she is until they finds her hanging)~~

She will never be one of those girls with the perfect smiles and the carefree laugh,  
(Never be like monika, the popular girl made from a silicone mold,)  
never fix this twisted and bitter _wrongness_ inside of her, never feel ok.

She will never be cute, because her life isn't cute,

Her personality isn't cute.

She doesn't know what she's doing.

She'll never tell yuri,  
but she really doesn't know what she's doing.

She just knows that those fancy words and convoluted things aren't for her, even if yuri makes them flow like water in a fountain, beautiful in every way. She doesn't know how to do that—  
doesn't know how to spin spider webs of description or bathe in the light of abstractness.  
She doesn't get it,  
the point of the fancy words that just make it harder for her to understand _(she just wants to **understand** —)_  
all they are to her are lip service, pretty but pointless.

~~_like yuri_ , she thinks, before tucking that far far away to never be touched again, a thought that shall never reach the light of day.~~

She doesn't want to admit it,  
doesn't want to be seen as weak or incapable,  
(She's been told she is to many times already,)  
Doesn't want them to think less of her

She doesn't want to lose this,  
Her only save haven.

(It doesn't feel like a safe haven anymore,  
Monika breathing down their necks, yuris laugh ringing through, something missing,  
But she ignores that)

(Did it ever feel like one, anyways?)

~~(Maybe,~~  
~~back before the code fell apart at the seems,~~  
~~before monika learned and learned and~~                      . ~~)~~  
~~snapped~~

They all snap, in the end.

(her neck hurts.)


End file.
